Engaging with Bob & iON

“Great iONic fact-checker, Linda, has kindly reminded us of the suggestions we've always emphasized for engaging iONdom.”

Bob Dobbs

Out of consideration for the new participants who want to engage with you and iON on your radio shows, I have compiled the following list.

The "No Rules" (that's a rule) NON-Rules Rules

Phone Etiquette

1. Don't engage in phatic communication with iON! Ask a fucking question!

2. "There are no stupid questions. All is allowed. It's about engaging with iON. Just ask a question!"
( … a few minutes later)

Bob: "That's a stupid fucking question!! Nobody gives a shit about your Little Man concerns! Keep in mind there are listeners on the show! Ask a relevant question!"

3. CHECK your sound quality

Bob: "Fix your fucking microphone! You sound garbled!"
Bob: "FIX YOUR MIC!"
Bob: "Hang up and call back!"

4. Form complete sentences

Bob: "What are you talking about? I didn't understand a single word you said. You're not making any sense... you're rambling! Carolyn, what did he just say?"
Bob: "'IT'? What do you mean by 'IT'?
Bob: "Who is 'they'? 'WHO' THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

5. Stick to the topic and see if you can get somewhere

Bob: "Don't move onto another topic! Ask iON what they meant!"

5a. It's Your Ascension! YOU need to engage with iON!

(Bob: "Oh for fuck sakes, you're not going to ask an intelligent question! iON, what did you mean?")

5b. Remember, as Bob says, "This is a family show!"
( … Ten minutes later)

Bob: "So Roxy, tell us about how many orgasms you had with your boyfriend! Did you get fucked last night?")

6. Remember: You are in charge! You're a God, but... Bob's the BOSS (and "little Carolyn" [the one with the Machete]) and You DON'T want to FUCK with iON!! "Just sayin'..."

Bob: "I'm in charge around here!"
iON: "Ask Bob, he's in charge!"
Bob: "This is My show!"
iON: "This is Bob's show. We're just little Non-Physical!"
Bob: "I'm the BOSS!!!!"
iON: "Bob's the Boss!"
iON: "Don't piss off Bob! You're not going to like it!"
iON: "Come on biggun', show us your teetee!!"
Bob: "...sorry, you're not going to make it! Next caller..."
iON: "Don't fuck with Carolyn... she'll smote your ass!"
Bob and ION: "Say something! Say something!"

7. DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!

(You haven't heard of Marshall McLuhan? Sorry, you aren't going to make it.)
("You're stuck in the KROKER quadrant!" You haven't read Kroker? Sorry... [not sorry], you can't ascend!)
(You don't understand Bob's Tiny Note chart? Oops! You're going to die! "Bwahahahahaha!")

8. Don't take anything personally! Eventually iON and Bob will pull your panties down and expose your "teetee" or "kushy". It's not personal. "It's great fun!"

9. Take your Power back!!!
What is Power? "We don't know, can't know, don't care." But take it back or die!

10. What is the Ascension process?

Completement Formulas (buy or bye!)
Tiny Note Chart (THAT will keep your mind busy/dizzy)
Revelation series (HOLY shit!)
Engaging with Bob and ION (Good luck with Bob!)
Study the Archives (8 years worth)
Talk with the Angels (WARNING: NOT in anger, Damn it!!)
OA movements ("Play with it!" But.. don't get stuck in between dimensions, [Bert!])
Get over "the 6 degrees of separation" ("What?" Wrong Question!)
Never minding ("It's not a thinking man's game")
Getting over the false concept of time (PAYDAY is on Saturdays at 5 PST)
"'Swaller' the Tech Body" (Open REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wide)
Get busy! Do something! CREATE!
Keep typing!
Be careful with your Words
Love! "Love is a Force Field" (NOT a "battle field")
Don't take anything personally ("you" don't exist)
Move to 33rd Parallel
Relax! Let go! "Hold on! It's going to be a white knuckle flight! Just sayin'..."!

11. Just so you know...

California? Going into the ocean
Canada? Fucked!
Mexico? Fucked!
UK? What UK?
Banking system? Gone!
Democracy? Trump is King!
Oxygen? What oxygen?
H197? Eat it!
Power Grid? EMP strikes again!
Loved Ones? (Did they buy? Nope? Then they're going to die!)
Chemical Body? Gone! Salt and Light!
"Put your oxygen mask on!" (Wait... no, there is no oxygen!)
"Be Happy!!!"

12. BE! DO! HAVE!
But...

"You can't know nothin'" (You don't have a "Knower")
"You can't feel nothin'" (emotions are unnecessary)
"You can't remember nothin'" (It's enhanced... no it's obsolesced... no, it's retrieved... no, it's flipped, now...)
"You can't connect to anyone" (they don't exist! It's just YOU!!)
"You can't see nothin'" (don't trust your lyin' eyes! What is Real is Non-Physical!)
"You don't exist! (You're a cyborg! You have given your Power to the Tech Body! You don't USE it, IT uses You!)

13. Know these "basic" word definitions (short list), or you'll be sent back to the Archives (or laughed at on the radio show and/or muted):

Meme
Android Meme
Acoustic space
Visual space
Holeopathic
Anthropomorphic male
Hendiadys
Triangulation
Labyrinth of the mind
Xenochrony
Quadrophrenic
5-Bodies
Tetrad
Pentad
Hexadic
Rhombic dodecahedron
Cosine
Valence and Valance
Flux

14. Oh, and just for "fun"... read FINNEGANS WAKE.

[Below, added by Ed.]

15. Diet
Put food in your mouth. If you like it chew it. If you don’t, spit it out. EAT SEWAGE!

16. Exercise
OA Movements
Coitus (Sleep with everybody until you find the best.)

17. If this doesn’t work, take a 9mm & shot yourself in the face. Rinse & repeat.